The Bachelor – an Officer and a Gentleman

This season’s Bachelor on ABC should prove to be one of the most amusing and entertaining shows in then entire Bachelor history. Certainly our bachelor, Andy, hopes to find true love. In fact, he even admitted on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars before the premier of The Bachelor that he does indeed pop the big question, so for his sake let’s all hope that he really did find true love. Of course, since only one contestant, The Bachelorette, Trista, ever did go all the way through to the marriage phase of the show, the odds seems a little stacked against Andy. Still, maybe he’ll be different and luck out.

So who is this latest heart-throb? ABC brands him as an Officer and an Gentleman, which isn’t too far off. He is a Lieutenant in the Navy and he does seem to be a gentleman when it comes to properly treating the ladies around him. Of course, it seems that they’re also trying a little to play off of the 1982 movie “An Officer and a Gentleman” starring Richard Gere and Debra Winger. No matter which way you slice it, what woman doesn’t like a man in uniform? Besides, it doesn’t seem to hurt that the shots of Andy without his shirt on show him to be built like a rock and a good candidate for a romance book cover. Surely there’s more than one woman is out there right now praising military training and triathlons for that physique.

How do we meet our bachelor? Sure, there’s the nice video montage played at the beginning of the show. There’s also the brief biography of him online (of which it seems many of the girls did their research before meeting him). But how does he first come on scene to us? He comes on screen in a car meant to make any man drool even more than the bachelorettes getting out of the limo seeing “Dr. McDreamy” for the first time, a McLaren F1. We won’t mention his little tire chirp and hesitation with the gas while entering through the front gates, nor will we mention the slightly scared look on his face as he got out of the car.

Enough about the bachelor though. What about the ladies all vying for his heart? It’s the usual mix of blonds and brunettes. Some are pretty hot, and others are just lukewarm. Some of the ladies appear to be real, others may be about as real as a Hollywood kiss. The fifteen that he chose the stay seemed to be a wide variety of girls, so at this stage it’s difficult to say whether it’s true that this gentleman really does prefer blonds or not. One thing is for certain though, the bachelor is in for a rough ride. Throughout the evening several of the ladies were overheard to be talking about how they were there to win, and not necessarily in a way that meant that they were there to win Andy, but that they were there to win the so-called game of the Bachelor.

Poor Andy. You’d think that celebrating his 30th birthday with twenty-five lovely women would be a dream come true. For the most part it probably was, but don’t think that it was all celebration. There was a war being waged right under his nose which every troop was operating under their own personal orders. Chaos was sure to ensue. He gets challenged to a push-up competition, then another round with another lady doing squats. He’s subjected to a rendition of The Star Spangled Banner which (bless her heart) seemed to be a bit flat and a little bit more off key. Still, what serviceman wouldn’t be touched at least somewhat by a heartfelt rendition of our national anthem? More guerrilla tactics ensued in the form of back flips and a push-up which turned into a move that can only be described as the break dancing move from the 80’s known as The Caterpillar. Nothing prepared Andy though for when the heavy artillery was brought out in the form of a birthday cake. Fortunately he blew out the candles quickly as the cake was improvised with tequila since the kitchen had no eggs. Hopefully nobody had to call in the medics afterwards. If this is an sign of what sort of battling is to come, we’re in for a glorious and bloody battle in which we already know in the end will have twenty-four casualties.

Of course, after the rose ceremony there always has to be a bit of drama. In the past we’ve seen everything from girls trying not to cry and pull themselves back up from their bootstraps, to bawling tears exclaiming that they thought he’d understand them better since they came from the same high station in life, to probably the most memorable chew out of all which came from Ms. My-eggs-are-rotting-and-my-clock-is-ticking. This drama though was all one sided this time as our latest Bachelor never even knew what was being said about him. Perhaps it’s best that he didn’t pick Lindsay to continue. She was jilted to the point of no return and spouted off a tirade a mile long using language that would make any sailor blush. Even the other girls, who would have normally been a little down-trodden, could do nothing more than sit back and laugh and she ranted and raved herself off into the show’s early sunset.

One thing Lindsay did have right though was calling things “fake.” More than one girl who received a rose had at least a slight air of competition and not possible love about them throughout the night. With prior bachelorettes being so obsessed with marriage (to the point of having a five year plan and a wedding dress already picked out) it should be interesting once their true colors start to show.

So let’s all sit back over the next several weeks and watch another poor single guy get physically and emotionally torn to pieces by a group of women; some of whom are there just to win and other who are there to try and win his heart. No matter what the outcome, it’s sure to be as rough a ride as any Andy has ever weathered on deck.