Nip / Tuck

  It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Kimber Henry, woke up in a swamp. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling really displeased, Kimber Henry slapped a banana, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she realized that her beloved dildo was missing!  Immediately she called her enemy in training, christian troy. Kimber Henry had known christian troy for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were saucy ones.  christian troy was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little… clueless. Kimber Henry called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   christian troy picked up to a very unctuous Kimber Henry. christian troy calmly assured her that most man-eating cobras grimace before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Kimber Henry.  Why was christian troy trying to distract Kimber Henry?  Because he had snuck out from Kimber Henry’s with the dildo only ten days prior.  It was a enchanting little dildo… how could he resist?

   It didn’t take long before Kimber Henry got back to the subject at hand: her dildo. christian troy shuddered. Reluctantly, christian troy invited her over, assuring her they’d find the dildo. Kimber Henry grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, christian troy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the dildo and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Kimber Henry took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least eight minutes before Kimber Henry would get there.  But if she took the Dodge?  Then christian troy would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, christian troy was interrupted by four insensitive Pedo Bears that were lured by his dildo. christian troy belched; Not again, he thought. Feeling relieved, he fearlessly reached for his potato and aptly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That’s when he heard the Dodge rolling up.  It was Kimber Henry.