Television Commericals That Rot Your Brain

There are some television commercials that are so stupid that I have to take a moment to make fun of them.

I think that there are some television commercials that are such an insult to your intelligence that you lose I.Q. Points just from watching them. Talk about total brain rot.

The ones that really get me are the ones that sell this new product that is supposed to solve all of your problems related to that sort of product. Like the pocket hose. Sure you’re tired of having to wrap up your garden hose after you use it. The Pocket hose collapses making it so you don’t have to wrap it up. They show some moron who has a hose wrapped around his neck practically strangling himself with it. Now if you have that much of a problem with a garden hose, at least to the point where you almost strangle yourself, you are an idiot. There is no helping a moron like you. I sure hope you don’t have a hunting license.

Then I flip through the channels to see some dopes dancing around because they are testing out some new adult diapers to see if they will leak. First of all, I would think that most people who pee-pee themselves would not want to test to see if their drawers leak. I would think that they would walk around carefully as not to cause any potential leakage. They are doing the twist with a big smile on their faces. What happens when they start to notice a leak? Do they suddenly stop dancing and make way for the nearest rest room? Then they think to themselves” “Damn! I knew I shouldn’t have done the twist. Maybe I should have tried a slow dance first; maybe a little soft shoe. But nooooo, I had to do the twist and then the frickin’ Charleston!”

What about those laxative commercials? You see all these people dancing around because they are not constipated anymore. What is the point they are trying to make. Oh, I feel ten pounds lighter now? Wow, look at me dance. I felt much too bloated before to dance before I took a dump!

I Think infomercials are even worse. They always have this audience of overacting goofballs that act so amazed over the stupidest little thing. I don’t care what it is, I am not going to get all that excited over a food processor. Sorry, I just can’t get that giddy over a lousy kitchen appliance. Not gonna happen.

I still remember the old commercials for decaffeinated coffee. Somebody would snap at someone else and then say that you’ll have to excuse them because they have had too much caffeine. Then the person they just got all nasty with recommends decaf. First of all, if you just outright snap at people like that in this day and age, don’t be surprised if you end up spitting out teeth like chick-lets when they belt you one right in the mouth. They probably won’t tell you to try decaf, they’ll tell you to pull the wild hair out of your butt.

Now, I am not saying that commercials all have to make perfect sense. Just don’t insult our intelligence. What are the odds of someone practically strangling themselves with a garden hose? I mean, really. How many times have you seen a headline in your local newspaper referring to a freak garden hose accident being the cause of a person’s death? I would probably guess not too often. And how many people have you seen dancing around in the adult diapers aisle giving you the thumbs up on the adult diapers to let you know you don’t have to worry about leakage?

Maybe both companies can save money by going halfsies on a commercial. The laxative company can go in with the adult diaper company. The actors can dance around and you can guess if they are dancing because they are no longer constipated or if they finally went and are testing to see if it’ll leak out. Make a game show out of it. Or better yet, a reality TV show called Dancing with the Diapers. What the hell, bring in some really old celebrities that are dying for a paying gig.

Oh well, that’s all I have to say right now. These are just a few thoughts wandering through an extremely bored mind. Now it’s time to think about something else.

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