Uk Suffering From Mcguinness Decline

PADDY MCGUINNESS has been hailed as starting the decline of the English Language (and intelligence generally) following his massively popular programme about something to do with women and a bloke, and stuff.

 His current show, ‘Take Me Out’ (which is exactly what most people would like to do to McGuiness if given the opportunity, and a gun), follows a group of women who have to press buttons that turn lights on. The women do this until they realise their own stupidity or become aware that they’re being manipulated to entertain similar types of people, the type of people who would be just as equally entertained watching two dogs having sexual intercourse.

 A term that language experts have coined the ‘McGuinness decline ‘ describes the point where an adult, who having reached their maximum capacity to pronounce, retain and understand words, begin to reverse the process of learning to speak, starting with saying things such as ‘No Likey, No Lighty’ gradually becoming worse resulting in uttering such incomprehensible drivel such as ‘bish bash bosh’ before succumbing to gurgling sounds.

 The danger of the adults suffering from the McGuinness decline is that soon a large population of the working class will return back to their primitive state, chasing women in aggressive and drunken manners in seaside towns. There are fears that this could already be happening in certain parts of the UK.

 Whilst the fear of losing the ability to speak and being reduced nothing but gurgling sounds is worrying some adults, the good news is that even if a person does fall to such a state they’d  still have a good two or three hours worth of funnier material than a Paddy McGuinness stand-up show.

 ITV are already toying with new show ideas featuring Paddy McGuinness following his success, including one where a young female stands on stage and an audience of sleazy men throw various reptiles at her as she takes her clothes off , the show is expected to be called ‘No Nakey, No Snakey’. Other show ideas include ‘No Brainy, ITV will commission-y’ etc.